Killer Household Objects
by Lady Dudley
Summary: Jackie decides that being on leave isn't all it's cracked up to be. Michael/Jackie


**A/N: I have been having a few run-ins with household objects lately, but I decided that the scissors taking a chunk out of my thumb the other day was the last straw. So I decided to write a story from it. All of the following are injuries I have sustained over the last few days (with some moderations as to how they occurred). Hope you enjoy it :)**

**Thanks for all the reviews, I love you all! You're awesome and I'm so pleased to find some other mad _Taggart_ lovers!! :)**

**This is for one of my friends, who will probably never read this but always gets a kick out of hearing about my latest clumsy escapade :P**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**_Killer Household Objects_**

Being on leave, Jackie decided, left a lot to be desired.

She wouldn't even have been on a break if Michael hadn't suggested that she take a couple of weeks off. 'Suggested' being roughly translated to 'ordered' _and_ he had all but stolen her car keys to make sure she did take it easy.

The first week had been the worst as she had gotten sick. So sick, in fact, that Michael had taken a couple of days off work himself to look after her.

Now, however, she was feeling much better and had decided that she was well enough to – finally – leave her bed. The problem was what she was going to do now that she was up and about.

She had been sitting on the couch flipping through the TV channels for at least half an hour without finding anything of interest when she decided that perhaps she should get started on those odd jobs she never really had time for.

Oh, joy.

She began with cleaning up her desk, which had been fine until she bent down to pick something up from the floor and had somehow miscalculated, meaning she ended up smacking her forehead on the edge of her desk.

Cursing under her breath she again bent to retrieve the offending object – this time without incident – and replaced it on her desk, absently rubbing her forehead with her free hand as she did so.

The desk incident, however, was a sign of how things were going to go for the rest of the day.

After cleaning her desk, Jackie had then started to put things back into her storage cupboard, only to end up smacking her elbow on the edge of a shelf as she tried to shove an overnight bag onto the top shelf.

Following this she had managed to smack her shin into the coffee table, bash her hand on a door frame, overbalance slightly and bash her _other_ hand on a door frame and trip over her own feet.

Grumbling to herself she had then gone to put some of her books back in her bookshelf, only to drop a particularly thick volume on her foot. An accident made worse by her having no shoes on, just socks.

Deciding that her day was really not going well and that it was somehow all Michael's fault for making her take some time off, Jackie took a break and had lunch. Mercifully she managed to do so without incident, even though she had used a knife. So, with improved confidence, she had decided to finish off a couple of other odd jobs before calling it a day.

The vacuuming had almost been a disaster as she only narrowly avoided been squashed under an avalanche of brooms, but she had managed to extricate herself from that situation without injury. That the vacuuming had then gone without any further incident boosted her confidence enough to strip and remake the bed, clean the bathroom and put a new tea towel rack up in the kitchen.

That this latter chore had involved a hammer and nails and she hadn't managed to either nail herself to the wall or whack herself with a hammer, Jackie considered as a sign that her luck was changing.

It was with this happy thought in mind that Jackie decided to wash the dishes.

This, however, turned out to be another accident waiting to happen as she ended up slicing her finger on the knife. In her rush to get a bandaid she had bumped into the side of the couch and almost slipped on the newly cleaned floor in the bathroom.

She did, however, manage to clean and bandage her cut without any further injury. That being done she decided to leave the dishes and see if the pickings on TV had improved.

Sometime during a particularly corny sitcom she must have fallen asleep, as the next thing she heard was someone ringing her doorbell. Waking with a start she got off the couch and made her way, a little stiffly, to the door.

That she was still waking up was the only way she could explain what happened next: on her way to get the door she somehow managed to kick the corner of the skirting board.

Letting out a yelp of pain she clutched her foot, hopping around in a circle for a few moments, eyes squeezed shut, as she attempted to will the pain away. The doorbell rang again and with a frustrated sigh she hobbled over to the door and flung it open.

Standing on the other side of the door was Michael, who looked far too cheerful for Jackie's liking. At the look on her face Michael's smile quickly faded.

"What happened?" he asked, noting her pained expression and the tears in the corners of her eyes.

"I kicked the wall," she said, wincing as she used the door as a support to take the weight off her foot. Concerned, Michael dropped the plastic bags he was carrying and scooped her up, "Come on," he said, carrying her back down the short hallway to the living room.

"I'm a big girl, Michael, I can walk," she grumbled, even though she was secretly enjoying the attention.

"I know you can," he said easily as he deposited her on the couch, "but you probably should stay off that foot for a little while," he said, elevating her foot as he did so before disappearing. Jackie heard the door shut and then he was back, placing the bags on her bench before looking in her fridge.

He returned to her side with a bag of frozen peas wrapped in a tea towel; gently he lifted her feet and sat down, replacing her feet in his lap and putting the cold compress on her injured foot. "So, how was the rest of your day?" he asked conversationally.

Jackie pouted, "Terrible," she said flatly.

"I'm sorry," Michael told her.

"So you should be," she informed him, "this is all your fault," Michael looked surprised and was about to say something, but Jackie interrupted him. "Don't even try to defend yourself, you're the one who made me take leave and so far all I've done is get sick and be attacked by household objects."

Michael raised an eyebrow, "You were attacked by household objects?" he asked, Jackie nodded solemnly, her expression warning him not to laugh at her.

"First the desk, then the cupboard, the coffee table, doorframes and then the books," she told him.

"Doorframes?" Michael asked, "Maybe we should get your eyes checked," he teased, he quickly smothered his grin at the look she sent him.

"Not to mention the knife," she said, holding up her bandaged thumb; at the sight of which Michael looked truly concerned.

"How did you manage that?" he asked.

"Apparently I shouldn't be left alone with sharp objects," she muttered.

"Would you like me to kiss it better?" he asked, Jackie narrowed her eyes slightly, not sure whether he was mocking her or not.

"It really hurt Michael," she insisted, still a little petulant as she gave him her hand and he kissed the bandaid.

"Feel better?" he asked with a warm smile.

Jackie fought back her own smile, "No," she said stubbornly.

"Really?" he asked, gently massaging the back of her hand.

"Don't even try it, buster, it won't work," she informed him.

"What won't?" he asked as he planted a kiss on her palm.

"What you're trying to do," she said, removing her hand from his grasp. Michael chuckled slightly at her disgruntled expression.

"Well if you want me to leave, I will," he told her, feigning a move to leave as he did so.

"I didn't say that," she said quickly, her eyes narrowed a little at his smug look as he settled back against the couch, "I hate you," she informed him.

"I know," he said, smiling at her, she shook her head as she fought off another smile, "Aha!" he exclaimed suddenly, "I saw that," he said with a grin, "you almost smiled, second time in two minutes. I'm good," he said with a wink.

She stuck her tongue out at him, unable to hide her smile anymore, "You are so full of it," she informed him.

He gave her a playful grin, "Yes, full of my love for you," he said, trying valiantly to keep a straight face as he did so.

"You are such a sap," she told him, trying not to laugh.

He laughed as he stood up, carefully moving her feet as he did so, "Mm, but I'm your sap," he told her, bending down to give her a quick kiss on the lips.

"Damn straight," she told him and he smiled.

"Now, since tonight is your first day off without being sick I bought some takeaway and a movie, sound good?" he asked, looking back over his shoulder as he went to retrieve the plastic bags off the bench.

"As long as you're staying with me," she said, he grinned as he came back to join her.

"That, my dear, was a given," he told her as he pecked her on the cheek before settling down on the floor next to the couch.

As the movie started to play Jackie decided that maybe this whole leave thing wasn't so bad after all.

Even with killer household objects.

----

**A/N: I still don't know how _I_ managed to kick the skirting board, but there certainly wasn't anyone carrying me anywhere afterwards!!**


End file.
